Someone very wise once told me it is comforting to be heard, but it is liberating to be understood...
Let that marinate for a second...
When was the last time you were understood? We spend so much of our time trying to explain ourselves. "Why?" It's the question of the century. Why did you say that? Why did you do that? WHY? WHY? WHY? What if YOU don't know WHY? How can we explain the why when we don't understand who we are? Through a very bizarre set of circumstances on a very long road to self-discovery, I solved the WHY...the biggest mystery of my life...if we separated yet still love each other after 9-years of being on a sick-cycle carousel, why did WE fail? I waited for him to circle back, because he always does, and then I tried something new, I told him I had a theory and I asked him if he wanted to hear it, maybe it would help us both survive...apart. I broke it down...my flaws and all, analyzed our relationship and identified the points I thought we started deviating. Let me tell you, it's not easy going back in time, especially, when it's emotional. But, we had to do something different. 9 years was long enough. We both needed to learn how to be happy apart.
Something happened that I didn't predict. I saw him. More than I even understood. For the first time in his life he was 100% free. Imagine you're standing in the middle of the woods naked...and it's comfortable. No more hiding. Simply being free. It's LIBERATING! Think about that for a second...all the time spending explaining the WHY and we get head nods, or acknowledgements but we know that they don't really know...so in the rare moments that they do, cherish it.
So, where are we now. We have created a safe space. Our relationship lives under the umbrella of this safe space we created, it's only for us. It's the only place we can go to be completely free, together. Because, it's liberating. But, it's also dangerous, and so there are boundaries. Because, boundaries are necessary and they keep our emotions safe. Because, it's complicated, and we have to live apart. But, we can also live together in our safe space and be happy. There's no more carousel to ride. We figured it out. And, we're working together, hand in hand with the one we love. And, it's the greatest feeling in the world.
I went back and did it with two more people. Because, carousels were part of my life and I never understood why. When I broke it down with the two other individuals, I realized we weren't so different after all. I am an ISFJ, if that means anything to you. It's one of 16-Myers Briggs Type Indicators. I am an HSP, intuitive empath, with a blue-green aura. WHAT?!? It takes time! Out of the 16 personalities, all three of them are INTJs...and suddenly, they felt free, too. So, now here we are. Me, and my three boys. There's the one I love, always will. My soulmate. My best friend. My everything. There is also another ex, the one that came after the soulmate. We never stood a chance. He needs to hear that reminder because he carries a lot of guilt...we are working on letting that go. And, then there's my companion, my friend, a safe space to just exist. I understand them. And, I never ask them WHY...I never ask them to explain. I don't need to. Because I understand them. And, if I don't understand, I ask. And, they are happy to attempt to explain because they want to feel understood. Or, at a minimum heard. And, I can do that for them.
I can help you, too. Just ask. I am here. :)
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